You would think a line could be drawn between being a new mother and a person at work, but the reality is the two are about as different as six and half a dozen. And unless you have the support of a village behind you, it is hard to see how a distinct line between the two roles is possible.

I recently returned to Dartmouth following maternity leave and have first-hand experience of how much of a struggle balancing working and family/mother life can be, especially without a strong support network in place. Given the diverse population of the UK, my own challenges will no doubt be shared by countless others: my husband and I are both Irish with no family in the UK, and having moved to a new part of London our friendship circle is lean. We support each other well and tag team like superheroes but still, when some part of the wagon falls off, it has substantial consequences, and most likely on our jobs.

There is nothing worse than seeing your child’s nursery flash up on your phone when you are in middle of your working day, or a meeting – they never ring just to say hello. I must admit, sometimes I think “maybe I won’t answer” and they can ring my husband to deal with it… but really that phone call means I need to re-arrange my day, make my excuses from the office whilst pushing down the feeling of guilt at ‘leaving’ my team and rush across the city to make it back to nursery to pick up the baby. All the while keeping an eye on emails and making sure to action what I can.

How companies have adapted to facilitate work-from-home and allowing employees a sense of ownership of how to operate their working day has been a game changer for many. For me personally I have less random distractions at home; I don’t need to nip out of the office for lunch or have those ‘let’s grab a coffee’ moments peppering my day (don’t get me wrong, I do sometimes miss the office chit chat – ‘did anyone else watch Succession?’). Instead, when making a tea I might put a clothes wash on while the kettle boils, or do some dinner prep while my soup simmers. Getting these small chores done takes pressure off the ever-growing mental post-work to-do list.

But it does not take the pressure off the mental stresses of becoming a working mum. An alarming 54,000 women a year lose their job simply for getting pregnant. In addition, 390,000[2] working mums experience negative and potentially discriminatory treatment at work such as being passed over for promotion, or not being eligible for a bonus or pay review due to being on a ‘yearlong (often unpaid) holiday’[1].

By having a supportive and pragmatic workplace and peer environment that is understanding to the needs and realities of being a working parent can go miles to making the return to work easier and less complicated. And it does not take much, as these suggestions show:

• Create a company culture that embraces and values a working parent – mothers tend to bring a variety of additional skills to the table, from resilience and adaptability to stronger multitasking and prioritising skills. It is fair to say working mothers work two full-time jobs. There is no ‘off’ switch to parenting, even when at work the mental load sits constantly on your shoulders: child needing new shoes, GP and immunisations, gas readings need to be submitted, school application deadlines are looming, weekend activities need to be planned and so on.
• Help educate the wider business to be more aware of external demands and build a culture of conscientious schedule planning i.e. booking a team meeting at 8am or 5.30pm isn’t ideal when nursery closes at 6pm.
• Create a return-to-work program which includes a phased return to ‘work life’ – small gestures can make a big impact, such as flexible working to remove the pressure of having a tight window every day for drop-off, then making it to your train to be at work on time, or the guilt for leaving ‘early’ to be there for pick-up. Think of it as a redistribution of time – the work will get done, just not in the traditional 9-5 window.
• Organise a buddy to spend some time bringing your returning parent up to speed on everything that they have missed out on over the duration of their maternity leave, such as new joiners, leavers, changes to policies or procedures or any other important work-related news.
• Consider the possibility of supporting employees with paid maternity leave across the board, not based on how long they have worked for you – think of the long game and let your employee know that they are valued. Losing a salary while having additional pressure on resources can often make maternity leave a financially stressful time for both parents.
• Create employee benefits around key life stages of when they are needed most, and whether some can be extended to immediate family. Benefits aimed at working parents, such as childcare, extended parental leave, and shared medical, will likely improve employee retention and be more attractive to a wider talent pool.

So, can working mums have it all? With a strong support system it’s possible but without it, the reality is, it’s a struggle. It would be remiss not to note the times we live in where DEI is at the forefront of employers’ minds. It is often spoken about and promoted at key times of the year, but there’s no point advertising or alluding that you are an advocate of creating an inclusive and equal environment if there are not the basic foundations in place to support the essential workforce that is working mothers.

1. and 2. from a 2016 government commissioned Equality and Human Rights Commission